I'm sorry, I still don't like Soccer.

I hate sports. That won't come as a surprise to anyone that takes a look at me for a second. I've never liked them, and watching them is equivalent to...uh...a jock watching a chess game. It just doesn't match with the personalities(know what I mean?)

So when this sudden(and I mean SUDDEN) soccer craze hit America, for whatever reason, it seemed like everyone was watching soccer. Not sure what caused this sudden shit(America likes to follow trends, makes me wanna puke) but America certainly didn't care much for Soccer in the past. ANYWAYS, so I went to my Moms and noticed soccer was on the television. Germany vs Argentina. So I decided to leave it on the tv and give it a chance. Okay, I like Germany so right away I had it in my mind that that's the team I'd like to win...

...for what seems like hours NO ONE SCORED. Okay, I get it..most games end no higher than 3 points. But, god what a boring sport. The only thing I remotely enjoyed was the British commentators, they make jokes sometimes. The audience doesn't shut up...ever! Fans for both countries have a chanting contest to see who can chant louder and it's fucking annoying. Shut up, SHUT UP. Let the people you want to win CONCENTRATE MAYBE!? That's the thing I don't understand about sports...the audience never shuts up! I would think it's DISTRACTING???.... ugh, maybe cheer when they score?

Soccer players are the biggest babies I've ever seen. I guess whenever contact is made the player pretends as if he's hurt. It's such a despicable sight. These are certainly no jocks, but a bunch of pansies. I could even be a soccer player with that mentality(yes, I did in fact call myself a pansy)

Well, Germany just scored a goal. And fans of Argentina are crying? That's hilarious...if I ever want to cry I'll listen to Pictures of You by the Cure, not watch a sports team lose. Such a funny sight watching grown adults cry over a soccer game. What exactly do they do for their teams? Chant and annoy them? Yeah, that's about it. And get drunk. Man...fuck people and their shitty sports.

^_^ tee hee, a little negative, but whateva. Not in a good mood so BLAH!

"I kick ass for the lord!"

"DEAD ALIVE"(or "Braindead" as it was originally titled) was released by famed New Zealand director Peter Jackson in 1992. Now, the importance of this is that DEAD ALIVE is simply the greatest zombie movie ever made!

I'm not sure what started this whole Zombie trend, but I was into zombies before it was cool...(rather hipstery of me, but whatever) and the garbage is flowing to the casual Zombie fan crowd. DEAD ALIVE is certainly well known in the horror fan community, but a lot of these Walking Dead fanatics don't realize what the good stuff is. So, I would like to choose 5 of the greatest moments from DEAD ALIVE that certainly make it the best Zombie movie ever!(Take that Romero)


5.Zombie Babysitting
-You don't need to know much of the story to understand any of what I am going to write. Simply know that the main character Lionel tries to hide the fact that he has zombies living in his basement for as long as possible. However, two of the zombies have sex that starts out like this..

Eventually the female zombie gives birth to THIS abomination.

So Lionel, being the awkwardly confused gentleman he is, decides to play Father and try to assimilate with the other parents in the park playing with their children. It doesn't turn out too good, because the baby zombie is "hyperactive" as Lionel puts it, and then he decides to punish it...in a rather humorous fashion.


                               

4.Gory Deaths
-Cliche I know. But DEAD ALIVE has some of THE goriest deaths(well technically they aren't deaths, because they come back alive..or rather..come back undead) but anyway I shall leave a few gifs I found on the interwebs of some of my favorite gory moments. Enjoy!










3.Uncle Les
-Ok, so Uncle Les is a racist and potential rapist, but he's ridiculous...and we all know that ridiculous characters are often amusing. I suppose it's due in part for his New Zealand accent, but he's hilarious with his one liners("Bugger that!" comes to mind as he runs away from zombies).

He's a masochistic bastard. Stacks up the zombie bodies, and even runs through walls to chase after them! However, what I like in particular about him is the amount of times he gets hit in the nuts(one of them even knocking his toupee off). Let's take a look...






2.New Zealand Lawnmower Massacre


-The zombies have taken over Lionel's house. SOMEHOW he has beaten the odds of surviving through massive amount of zombie attacks(not to mention obvious times where zombie blood gets into his mouth...wouldn't that change him?...who knows) When things start to look really bad Lionel whips out a lawnmower and quips "Party's over."


What follows is possibly the goriest few minutes in Zombie movie history. Slicing and chopping up of zombie limbs in massive quantity. The amount of red displayed has never felt so gratifying in a movie! No amount of gifs or pictures can do this scene justice..so why don't you just watch the following video?



1.Kung fu Priest
-What else could possibly be the best moment from DEAD ALIVE? A few greasers give Lionel some trouble in a cemetery, but then they turn into zombies once one of them gets attacked! So the Priest notices some trouble and yells "This calls for divine intervention!"

Some awesome display of kung-fu is put on as the priest starts to kick some zombie ass. Flying kicks, and roundhouse kicks, and all other sort of kicks that rip apart the zombies. It's seriously such a random scene, but undoubtedly one of the greatest moments in movie history. I'd rather not ruin the scene for you...so go out and watch the movie!

Cat stage freight

                           She get's her shyness from me.

Peter Murphy's "Lion"

                   
There is no denying that Peter Murphy is a musical god among mortals. That distinguishable voice and gloomy lyrics hail him as the true Godfather of Goth, whether he likes to admit it or not.(Hint: He does not like to admit that)

He recently released his ninth solo album, "Lion." As a solo artist, Peter Murphy has changed his sound many times. We all know and love his "Deep"album, but I certainly can't say the same about "Dust."(That Turkish influence doesn't do it for me) "Unshattered" and "Ninth" had a similar feel to them. Those two albums are a bit more rockier than previous efforts. "Lion" does seem to continue this tradition, albeit with a more industrious feel to it.(Think Nine Inch Nails) So how does this album stack up to his previous works? Let's take a look at each track, shall we?(Five stars is the best possible score)


Hang Up(Track 1)**
-The song starts off interestingly enough. Nice synthy playing over a drum beat, it certainly sounds promising. About a minute into the song Peter's vocals arrive and sound scratchy and rough. Admittedly I do not prefer when Peter Murphy sings like this, but when it's over instrumentals that certainly nod to something Trent Reznor would create I suppose it's understandable. It's an OK opener, but compared to what's to come it's rather underwhelming

I Am My Own Name(Track 2)***
-After a slow nearly six minute opener, "I am my own name" picks up the pace a bit. But first, a two minute opening that reminds me of something off of Bauhaus' "Burning From the Inside" album and that is awesome! However, after that nice two minutes comes a dancy-kind of song. Clapping, synths, and a sing-songy chorus. The chorus throws me off a bit. I don't usually like songs that repeatedly have "babe" thrown in, but everything else about this song is good. Would of preferred this as the opening track.

Low Tar Stars(Track 3)*****
-Now things are getting good! Has a very 80s feel to it, which is always welcoming. Fast paced, and Peter Murphy is spitting poetry. His voice has changed from the rough sound of the first two songs, which is better. Very rocking and danceable. Great song.

I'm On Your Side(Track 4)****
-After that song I guess it's time to slow things down. There's a nice rhtymetical beat, the vocals are distorted and very dreamy. As the song progresses it starts to get a bit louder, but nothing too extreme. I wouldn't have minded the whole song as a softer-personal calling from Peter, but it's still good.

Compression(Track 5)**
-Another slower song, with a bit of piano playing. Not sure if it's obvious or not, but I prefer when Peter Murphy has these slower songs with his gloomy softer voice. BUT! once the chorus kicks in things start to sound like some hard rock ballad. Which totally messes with the song for me, maybe others would enjoy this.

Holy Clown(Track 6)****
-Here is perhaps the most "Peter Murphy" sounding song on the album.(If that makes sense at all) A nice mix of old and new. Acoustic guitar strumming, electronicy synths, and electronic guitar blend beautifully.

The Rose(Track 7)*****
-The most personal sounding song on the album. Loving the vocals over the orchestra instrumental. Unfortunately it's one of the shortest songs on the album! Compared to some of the opening tracks that certainly didn't need to be nearly six minutes, this song should of been longer! Definitely a highlight on the album.

The Ghost of Shokan Lake(Track 8)*****
-Another superb song! Dramatic singing accompanied by violins sets a fantastic vibe. I love the echo and chanting throughout the song. That industrious guitar sound is in this song, but works much better here! Whereas some of the earlier songs sounded a bit too much like Nine Inch Nails, here is sounds very refreshing and original.

Eliza(Track 9)*****
-Here's a song that sounds like it could be from "Deep." That being said, it's fucking great, and doesn't get much better than this. Very 90s Gothic rock, and the chorus is wonderful. Have to love Peter's voice in this one. Spooktastic.

Loctaine(Track 10)****
-Another slower track. Sounds a bit whispy-ghost like.(I don't know, listen to it you'll know what I mean) Peter's baritone vocals are crooningly wonderful.(That isn't a word by the way) This would be the perfect way to close a great album....but...

Lion(Track 11)**
-"Loctaine" would of been a much better closer, but "Lion" of course is the closer.(The album is named Lion afterall) It returns back to the NIN-esque sound(I completely forgot about the earlier songs by this point) so I guess in that regards it brings everything into a full circle.

So "Lion" definitely delivers! It's Peter Murphy's best solo work in quite some time. Never disregard a musician who is sometimes deemed as "not in his prime" by some bitter fans(I'm referencing some "fans" on youtube) A great mix of soft and loud, acoustic and industrial. There is certainly something here for any fans of the Peter Murphy genre. So fans of goth rock rejoice! Peter Murphy is back in great form. Not that my scoring or rating or reviewing really matters at all, but I would give this album 4 out of 5 stars! Lots of great songs(Eliza, Ghost, Stars) but the few weak songs take away from the album as a whole(Lion, Compression)

The Abandoned Rutherfurd Estate

I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. Nestled in the mountainous woods of Allamuchy lies the most interesting of places...

Rutherfurd Stuyvesant Estate was once a grand collection of buildings exhibiting wealth for the Rutherfurd family in the 16th-17th century. Today, many of the buildings still stand, but they certainly are deemed anything but "grand" by many. I've always been a glutton for the strange. I certainly cannot think of anything much stranger than a set of abandoned buildings covered inside and out with graffiti. Yes, graffiti doesn't sound very strange... but the work HERE is extremely bizarre. Repeated phrases such as "lick my shit" "fuck your mom's cunt" and "drink my piss" are covering the walls of these places. No fancy graffiti work here, just extreme vulgarity.

My first stop was an intriguing looking house. Perhaps majestic in the 17th century, but now on the verge of demolition with curious graffiti "Eddie Murphy" covering the front. There is still a beauty to these places. Creepy, sure, but creepy is beautiful! As I made my way to the entrance(Well, there are plenty of entrances here) I came across a horrifying sight...

                                 

I love all woodland critters, but to see the carcass of a raccoon makes me feel ill. They are perhaps my favorite animal, something about their mischievous and mysterious personalities remind me of myself. The question that came to mind is how did this cute critter die? Hopefully from natural causes.. but what about all those "crazy" stories about "satanic worshipers" who like to visit such places? In any case, R.I.P. Mr or Mrs raccoon...

So once I made my way inside I noticed that the floor was in awful condition. It felt as though it would crumble at any second, and the idea of tetanus and asbestos is far scarier than any Satan worshiper.

                                 
                                       The message of the day ladies and gentlemen...

As I made my way up the broken staircase(admiring all the profanity of course) I began to notice a distinct smell. Marijuana had seemingly filled the second floor and I began to ponder! This must be the work of a ghost. For I can assure you there were no other humans in this house! The idea of Casper toking up does seem a bit farfetched, but I did not see anyone else in this house.



                                  
Lovely looking place, right? Like something out of a 70's horror film. Such beautifully written lines too! Like a modern day Wordsworth, "lick my shit" just flows. This house does not have as much to see, but it certainly is littered with such odd things! A car seat, animal cage, baby shoes, drug paraphernalia...just to name some. There's a certain feeling of filth that covers one when inside these places. Thanks in part to empty condom wrappers; the idea of ANYONE having sex in these disgusting conditions is unfathomable(then again this is the same town with trucks that have "Git r done" bumper stickers)

I could go on and on about each place, and there is certainly a lot to see! But, lets get right to the main attraction.

                                

Was it once a mansion for the fancy estate owner? Looks kind of like a school of some sort with the bell tower on top like that. One thing is for certain, it's a total shit hole inside! What a shame too, the outside makes it look so spectacular. The typical "Cunt" graffiti here and there. The staircase is completely gone, in place is a couch. YES A COUCH. It was a very dangerous climb up to the second floor. From there plenty of run down rooms and holes to avoid. I came across this particular writing on the wall..


                                                
Strictly out of curiosity(Believe me, I am not looking for a "good time") I gave the number a call. Alas, no answer! So I continued to explore this place and took a peak out of one of the many windows. I saw a group of teenagers  make their way towards the building. I am not afraid of kids, but I can't imagine what they would be thinking to come across some random 20 something year old in an old abandoned house by himself. I quickly made my way down and tried my best to have a conversation with them. The conversation consisted mostly of "uhh" and "yeah, that's cool" for I'm rather shy, and these kids looked like a hot topic crew that don't say much at all anyway.

There is of course a barn, a oddly placed boat, and other ruined cottages to explore. The best thing about this story? There is absolutely no "No Trespassing" signs anywhere! Meaning, if you are in the mood for adventure feel free to visit the Allamuchy Profanity houses of Tranquility Farm anytime you please!